Worthington, Ohio

"Praise God for making H20! 

Praise Him for rain and melted snow! 

Praise Him for water from the hose! 

Praise Him, get dunked and hold your nose! 

Aww.... Yeah...."

(Lyrics By: Most Rightwing Bishop of Worthington Greg Miller)

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Jeb Miller was a drunk.  His wife talked him into going to church where the Church of Christ preacher convinced him that if he would be baptized, it would make him a new man.

Jeb figured he had nothing to lose so he was baptized and the experience of cold water, the joy of all the people and the smile on his wife's face convinced him that this water baptism stuff WORKS.

The preacher said, "You're a new man, now.  All things are made new and we will now know you as Brother Miller!"

Jeb didn't stop drinking.  But he was a changed man.  He kept a tub of water handy and every time he grabbed a beer to drink he would say, "All things are made new!"  And he'd plunge that beer into the water and back up out of the water and would then say, "You are now known as apple juice!"

(Source Unknown)

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We have heard the joyful sound, Water Saves!  Water Saves!

Spread the tidings all around, Water Saves!  Water Saves!

Bear the news and hit the drink!

Fill the tub and or hit the waves!

H2O does magic as...

Water Saves!  Water Saves!

(Lyrics By: Most Rightwing Bishop of Worthington Greg Miller)

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The Bible speaks of being "born of water" ONCE.  The Churches of Christ, Roman Catholic Church and others who teach "baptismal regeneration' have built an entire false doctrine on this phrase "born of water".

But the ONE time it is found in the Bible is a quotation of Jesus Christ in  John 3:5 (KJB)  "Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God."

That is talking about natural childbirth.  When you were born, your mother's "WATER BROKE".

This lead one old preacher to say, "Other than man being born of water from his mother's womb, there are three other things "born of water": A frog, a mosquito and a Church of Christ cult member!"

(Source Uknown)

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Orville was the town drunk.  And everyone knew that fact, except for the new preacher down at the Church of Christ.

So, when Orville woke up in a ditch near the lake and then walked over to where the Church of Christ was holding a baptismal service, the preacher said, "Sir, are you ready to find Jesus?"

Orville said, "Well, I reckon so."

So, the preacher took Orville by the back of neck and pulled him under the water.  When he brought Orville back up, the preacher asked him, "Well, sir, did you find Jesus?"

Orville looked a little surprised and said, "Well, no.  I didn't."

So, the preacher grabbed him by the nap of the neck and plunged Orville back into the water and held him down for about ten seconds before pulling him back up out of the water.  And when Orville wiped his face and looked at the preacher, the preacher said, "NOW, sir, did you find Jesus?"

Orville stepped back and looked at the preacher and said, "No, preacher I didn't.  And I DON'T THINK HE'S DOWN THERE."

(Source Unknown)

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